I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
