so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
