Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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