spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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