is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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