Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
