Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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