I got chris browned last night
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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