I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
