dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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