11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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