dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
