yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
