WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
