you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
