I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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