I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
