i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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