girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
