Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
