she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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