I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
