two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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