just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
