This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She needs sedatives and a leash
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
