Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
