Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
