So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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