Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
