it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
