I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
