That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
