So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He felt like a one man threesome
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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