I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
