I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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