Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
