Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
