I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
