So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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