It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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