Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
