i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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