You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
