I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
