Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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