I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
