saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
