I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
