spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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