Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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