She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
